You’re Not Lost – You’re Remembering
What If It All Went Well? Rebuilding Safety in Your Body and Reconnecting With the Woman You’re Becoming
Lately, I’ve been hearing the same quiet truth from so many women:
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
And every time I listen to it, my heart aches, because I know that feeling all too well.
There was a season in my life when I had everything I thought I wanted: a career I loved, a family I adored, and a business that was thriving. But somewhere along the way, in the midst of pouring myself into everyone and everything else, I realized I’d misplaced myself.
The In-Between Season No One Talks About
We don’t often talk about what happens during the big transitions, after the birth, the move, the promotion, the heartbreak, the shift in identity.
The world celebrates beginnings, but no one teaches us how to live in the middle, that strange, tender space where the old version of you no longer fits, but the new one hasn’t fully arrived yet.
It can feel like being suspended between who you were and who you’re becoming. That space isn’t failure. It’s a transformation. It’s your rebirth.
But here’s what I’ve learned as a midwife, mother, and woman navigating her own becoming: before we can rebirth, we have to feel safe. Because when your body is in survival mode, you can’t reconnect; you can only react.
What If It All Went Well?
Most of us know what it’s like to brace for impact, to plan for the worst-case scenario. You might even notice yourself holding your breath, shoulders tight, waiting for something to go wrong.
But what if it all went well?
That’s not naïve optimism, it’s the language of a regulated nervous system. It’s what happens when your body finally believes you’re safe.
The Story of Sarah
Sarah had her first baby in the hospital. She arrived hopeful, birth plan in hand. But the moment she walked through the doors, bright lights, beeping monitors, strangers entering and exiting, her body went on high alert.
Her labor stalled. Interventions piled up. When she finally gave birth, she said, I felt like my body failed me.But her body didn’t fail; it was protecting her.
When Sarah came to Willow Birth Center for her second baby, we did something different. We focused on her nervous system. We softened the lighting, slowed her breath, and surrounded her with familiar faces. We whispered safety instead of shouting control.
Her body responded. Her labor flowed. Her baby was born into calm. And she told me later, This time I didn’t have to fight. My body knew what to do because I finally felt safe.
That is the power of nervous system safety, and the heart of this week’s episode of The Midwife Life Podcast. What If It All Went Well? Rebuilding Safety in Your Body.
The Science Behind the Safety
Your nervous system is your body’s surveillance system, always scanning for cues: Am I safe, or am I in danger?
According to Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, we shift between three main states:
Safe & Social (Ventral Vagal)- calm, connected, present.
Fight or Flight (Sympathetic)- activated and ready to defend.
Freeze or Collapse (Dorsal Vagal)- shutting down to protect from overwhelm.
The goal isn’t to stay calm all the time; life activates us. The goal is to return home to safety more easily. When you’re anchored in that safe state:
Your breath and heartbeat slow.
Your digestion and immunity improve.
Oxytocin flows, supporting bonding, joy, and healing.
You feel grounded, open, and alive.
This is why nervous system safety is the bridge between burnout and rebirth.
Practices to Come Home to Safety
Try these small rituals to help your body remember safety:
The 4–6 Breath: Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6. Longer exhales tell your body, we’re safe now.
Orienting: Look around your space. Name what you see, hear, and smell. Let your body notice: I’m here, and I’m okay.
Connection: Safe touch, eye contact, community, they all rewire our sense of belonging.
Affirmation: When doubt rises, whisper, “What if it all went well?”
Reflection: Journal, When was the last time I felt truly safe in my body? Recreate that moment daily.
Midwifing Your Life: Reconnecting With the Woman You’re Becoming
You’re not broken. You’re becoming. And part of becoming is teaching your body it’s safe to bloom again.
That’s exactly what we’ll do inside my upcoming live workshop:
Midwifing Your Life: Reconnecting With the Woman You’re Becoming
A 90-minute guided experience for women in transition, mothers, leaders, dreamers, who are ready to exhale, reflect, and remember who they are underneath all the roles.
Together, we’ll explore nervous system safety, grounding, and reconnection through practical tools and gentle reflection. You’ll leave feeling calm, clear, and reconnected with yourself.
Saturday, November 8
10:00 AM MST
Reserve your spot- Midwifing Your Life Workshop
Bring your tea, your journal, and your open heart. It’s time to stop surviving and start returning home, to safety, to softness, to you.
Closing Reflection
You’re not lost. You’re in a rebirth. And your body already knows the way home.
Let’s rebuild safety, and midwife your becoming, together.
Join the Workshop – November 8, 10 AM MST – Midwifing Your Life Workshop
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